Following is my personal account of the disaster in NYC in the month of September, 2001 - Elaine Walker.
Liz came into my room, only slightly animated, making large gestures with her arms. She said, "Wake up! The World Trade Center just got attacked by planes, and the Pentagon got attacked by a plane. We're under attack. There is no more World Trade Center because it got blown up. The State Department got hit..." "WHAT? Haha. very funny. No really, WHAT? You're joking." Liz said, "Get up and look out the window." I don't think I heard that part though. I thought she was doing a "War of the Worlds" gag on me. I stumbled out of bed and asked Liz to please repeat herself. I just didn't get the full string of words the first time. She repeated herself, and then it dawned on me. That would explain all the sirens, horns and phone calls. They were holding down their horns all the way down 4th Avenue to wake up the neighborhood! I looked out the window and saw a giant black plume of smoke going straight up in the direction of the towers. Hundreds of people in suits with their briefcases were running out of the 4th Avenue train station. Trucks and flatbeds with people piled in were headed down 4th Avenue away from Manhattan. We turned on the TV. Sure enough.
This is was how my very surreal day started. I looked out the window and saw a stream of black smoke rising into the sky, and saw people pouring out of the subway directly across the street, all covering their mouths with cloths. They were in a hurry to get home, scurrying up the street with their briefcases and backpacks. These were the lucky ones who got out of the city in a timely manner. A lot of people, including my friend, Olivia, and our roommate, Stephen, would be stuck in Manhattan for the whole day.
TERRORISTS? WHO WAS ATTACKING US? HOLY MOLY, THE PENTAGON?!
We went up onto the roof, and were joined by our friend Mike, who lives in the city but had stayed in the area last night. Our roommate Stephen who was working in Manhattan had called and woke Liz with the horrific news. An unimaginably large cloud of black smoke seemed to span all of Manhattan. And it rose above our heads and continued far behind us. If we didn't know better, we may have thought the entire city was on fire. We spent a while up there. I think that is when I bought the camera from the store downstairs and took some shots. I shot the smoke stream up and over my head and behind me, to capture whole scene from our point of view. Looking at the pictures now, it doesn't look much different than fluffy white clouds. In real life if was horrific.
Outside of the store were many people struggling with their cell phones. Some of them said that they could get through one out of a hundred times. Several people waited in line in the small family owned store, all staring into space. I finally just said one word, like "Damn" and they all looked at me and nodded. I would have expected them to shake their heads, but they nodded, with their eyes wide open. We are all in shock. I asked Mr. Choi if he was okay. "Mr. Choi? Mr. Choi? Are you okay?" He looked extremely preoccupied as he counted the money. "Oh, yes. I mean no, my daughter is in the city and we can't get a hold of her. She is uptown though." I briefly brought up the idea of some of us getting into my car and driving as far away as we could, but going to Boston or Virginia didn't seem any safer. Soon, we would probably be in the safest place in the world - with the military moving in, and police everywhere.
We went back home and spent a lot of time alternating between watching the television, and going up to the roof to see the smoke shifting, trying to get a glimpse of whatever would be left of the towers. I couldn't believe that they would just be gone completely. Our friends went to Smokey's Bar across the street to get a beer. Smokey's is owned by a local Brooklyn fireman, and many firemen hang out at Smokey's regularly. At this point we had no idea if Jeff, the bar owner, and Joe, Liz's x-boyfriend, were okay. At the very least, we were sure they were having some intense experiences. Liz wanted to avoid Smokey's and the chance to find out that our fireman friends have died. (We later found out they were fine, but tragically, Joe lost 30 of his firehouse mates. He had gotten relieved just minutes before the disaster, due to his injured back.) Liz and I stayed home, taking turns writing email to let our family and friends to let them know we were okay, tucked away safely in Brooklyn. We checked the basement lock to make sure we could get in, and sure enough, it was open. Since we were still so confused and petrified about the situation, we just wanted to make sure we had a place to go if something even more devastating were to happen. Liz said was stocked up on food just in case. What a crazy thought!
The day was a blur, but at some point, our roommate Stephen came home looking dazed and devastated. His eyes were glazed over as he told us about his day. He had seen some of the destruction from outdoors as was traveling from the subway to his to work. He stayed there for a while watching the news and sending email, and then just walked downtown as far as he could go. He wanted to do something to help, and he tried to give blood. He was turned down since the blood banks were currently full and he was asked to put his name on a list. This really upset him, as he had just wanted to feel like he was helping. Eventually we ended up at our other local hangout, Harry Bollens bar. Liz, Stephen and I were joined by our friends, Mike and Mojo. The mood in the bar was very strange. Although it was solemn, people were trying to find reasons to laugh, to break the monotony and keep from going crazy. It seems like everyone there was getting drunk. What else were we going to do? We had gotten tired of typing on the computer and watching the news, and we had no telephone access. I'm sure most of the other people were feeing the same way. In the bar they eventually turned the TV down so it was just music, and it was easier to deal with that way.
We came home very late, and our friend Mike was going to stay with us again. The subways were open, but much too frightening to take into the city. I myself could not bear to lie down or go to sleep. I went up to the roof just one more time, just by myself. The sky straight overhead was so clear it was unbelievable. The wind must have shifted! The crescent moon was beautiful and the stars were shining brightly. Military planes were like moving stars going overhead. I was very restless and wide-awake, and probably still slightly in shock. I'm not sure what came over me then, but I went downstairs and grabbed Liz out of bed and said, "come quick! It might not be there when you come up. Hurry!" She sleepily came up the stairs and I pointed at the Moon and said, "Look! It's still there! And there's Mars!" "Yes, Elaine, the Moon is still there. That's Mars? I can see it!" It was so sweet of Liz to go along with me. I saw a shooting star up above. Shooting stars look different than military plane lights. Shooting stars are meteorites that streak across a small part of the sky and fade out as they streak. They appear to go faster across the sky than these military planes. "Look Liz, did you see that? A shooting star!" Liz didn't see the shooting star, but I sure did, and I made a wish. Liz went downstairs, and a few minutes later I did the same cruel trick to Mike, pulling him out of his almost-slumber. "Hurry, Mike, it might not be there anymore!" ... "Look! It's still there!" ... "Yes, Elaine, the Moon is still there. I'm going back to sleep." He still doesn't believe that I saw a shooting star when I was up there with Liz. He thinks I just saw a plane. The fact is, we saw a lot of planes, and I later stayed up on the rooftop to count the planes. But I also saw one shooting stars. They aren't that rare. I've seen countless numbers of shooting stars in my lifetime. All anyone has to do is to gaze up at the sky every now and then, and they will streak by.
Well, apparently millions of people are - the ones who are able to go back to work in the city, and most are taking the trains. Besides, the bridges seem pretty scary too, especially after finding out that the George Washington bridge may have been targeted to be blown up. Wednesday was supposed to be the first day of lab time for my lab monitors at NYU. Although I'm done with my masters, I'm just working there a bit longer to finish scheduling the monitor shifts and training the new Chief Lab Monitor for the Music Tech Department. Of course all schools are closed today, and maybe for the rest of the week. Wednesday was a blur. It's hard to remember, except that we spent most of the day alternating between watching the news, and running onto the roof every time we heard that another building had collapsed. The phones still didn't work, except I did manage again to leave a message for my brother in Phoenix. He had left a message for me too. I took a nap on my bed loft for a while, but didn't actually sleep. I felt two low rumbles, and knew it wasn't the subway that runs underground near us. It was building number five collapsing. Upstairs once again, it just looked like a new puff of smoke. Of course, these were nowhere near as big and black as the original "cloud of death". We went to Harry's again tonight, and the feeling there was different this time. There wasn't the immediate crazed feeling there was on the 11th. Tonight we were more calm and somber. We went over to Smokey's Bar after one beer and found out that our immediate firemen friends were okay. Of course many of their co-workers were not.
John needed to get to 11th Street, but 14th is the limit. I parked on 14th and waited for Mike and John to get computer equipment from 11th Street. The air was bad but tolerable. I tried making calls from my cell phone as I waited, but only managed to get through to two people in Phoenix. Other calls wouldn't go through. I finally got that crazy "Welcome to Verizon" message that I had heard about. I use Sprint. They had made a made a deal on Tuesday, so Verizon could take overflow calls. By the time we had everything together and drove to Chelsea Pier, it was around 9pm. They turned us down flat. Even if they were allowed to let us in, they would have had to claim ownership of our computer gear. The man, who claimed to be in charge of the Red Cross communications stuff, said something about not letting internet communications come and go from that building for security reasons. I didn't understand that. We thought of going to Alt.coffee and setting up additional computers. John takes care of the computer network there and they are letting people use the computers for free during this crisis. There was no hope of parking anywhere and we were stuck on 14th street for a very long time. We finally gave up since it was getting so late and we were tired of breathing fumes. The drive home was treacherous as well, and we felt bad that we failed miserably on our mission. It's really just a bad idea to drive in the city at all during this time.
Friday I woke up at 3:30pm. It was the day of doing laundry. That's about all I did. Laundry and some email. Not very eventful. A day of nothingness. That's really just all I knew how to do that day.
Liz had printed out a "shopping list" of items that she found on the internet that the city still needed, like medical supplies, toothpaste, etc. We got what we could from Rite Aid and went into the city to the Salvation Army. They turned us down because they had no more storage space, and sent us to Union Square who also turned us down. At Union Square there were more candles and people than anyone would believe. The posters of the "missing" are everywhere you go. Liz and I went to the nearest firehouse who took our bags of supplies with open arms. They offered us cupcakes that kids had made them and said they were "up to here in cupcakes" and they were going to have to throw them out. The cupcakes were so cute and obviously made by kids, with heavily colored frosting and m&m's. Liz gave the fireman a hug, and I joined in for a big "ZIA hug". Liz's fireman friend, Joe, had told her to give the men hugs at the firehouses.
Mike had met up with us and we walked back over to Union Square. Liz went home and Mike and I joined our friends at the Oak Bar, drinking red wine instead of our usual champagne. We went to a very expensive French restaurant, and had a nice time there. As usual, our space friends paid for us. I had introduced Mike to them and he's been reconfiguring their website since then. Mike and I went back to Union Square and spent a couple of hours there after dinner and it was getting late...I think 2am or so. Union Square was very solemn, and frankly, quite depressing for me. We were lighting candles, and even had tried to buy some of our own to replenish some of the wilted candles. All we could find in the stores at this point were magic birthday candles. They didn't work out quite as well as I thought they would, but came in handy for lighting other candles! I just felt so numb, as if I was going through the motions and watching a movie. Hippies were sitting lotus style, playing acoustic guitars, forming drum circles and singing. Some of them were chanting peace mantras. War is not the answer! Some God fearing folks were there as well, preaching loudly. I am not a hippy and not a religious person, and began to feel so numb it really bothered me. Oh boy, that bothered me.
I finally broke down in tears and Mike gave me a nice big hug as I finally let out a good number of tears. I don't belong here. My whole meaning in life is a lost cause. We are never getting into space. Mike begged to differ and tried to comfort me. On that note, I went down into the subway and back home. At some point I punched a wall or two, and a table with my fist. Boy that felt good! In fact, come to think of it, this small act of aggression towards household furniture is the only real good stress reliever I've had so far. I think that I have figured out partially why I've been feeling so numb, so guilty, and so BAD in general. I'm more angry than sad, and just didn't quite realize it. So, going through the motions, trying to be sad, was just making me feel more detached. I need to feel my anger. That's the only way I can get through the rest of this night. I finally went to sleep at 7:30am after venting this point to my good friend Pascal via email.
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Elaine Walker
Sept 11-16, 2001
Brooklyn, New York, USA
President Bush, Sept 16, 2001: "I'm not going to fire a 32 million dollar missile at a $10 tent and hit a camel in the butt."
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